Things are pretty weird these days in various online groups. In general women’s groups have proven to be an interesting place to try to talk about pregnancy. It is a bit worse now as many of them feel the need to point out how having a baby during a pandemic isn’t responsible.
I can sort of see their point, the thing with fertility though is it is one of those things where you have your window if you are lucky and can only push it back for so long. Things don’t always go to plan and sometimes you need all that extra time.
There are also many women who were on some kind of contraceptive though it failed. I was expecting to try to conceive in 2022 or so but instead, I got hit back in October. I didn’t like the idea of abortion and my boyfriend said he wanted to go ahead and be a family, so here I am.
Anyway, aside from those conversations talking to moms has shown some interesting results. Many pregnant women just need to vent. They are going through their first trimester and feeling all sorts of awful and throwing up. Trying to make it through this pandemic nonsense and just trying to survive.
Symptoms Will Get You
You have women trying to work through their pregnancy and finding it challenging because symptoms vary from woman to woman. They might be having emotional swings or weird issues where they aren’t sure if the dad is going to stay in the picture or cases where the dad was part of the pregnancy plan and it weird after it is successful.
So they want to come to a space to complain a little, vent a little, and maybe get some feeling of support from other fellow women.
However, my observation has been that depending on the group participants it is almost a sin to complain about pregnancy. Some women link it to the notion a woman complaining about being pregnant is ungrateful for their gift.
I don’t think this is the correct way of looking at things. You can be thrilled at the idea of the end result, just stressed about the process. Just because you signed up for it doesn’t mean you have to pretend to be happy about every part of the process.
Everyone sees things slightly differently or experiences their journey differently. While it is good to try to focus your mind on more positive thinking habits, it is also just as toxic to try to fake how you really feel.
I think if we all had more compassion here we could see other people clearly. New moms shouldn’t be shamed or stressed in any way they go through their experience and neither should any woman just going about her life.
1) Pregnancy is Hard
You can be at your peak level of health when you get pregnant and it might still knock you out.
Physically you may have the common physical discomforts and problems like morning sickness, aches you didn’t have before, extra weight you have to carry around, a weird feeling of discomfort while your stomach starts to feel squished partly from baby and partly from gas.
Your ankles will swell up and your breasts may engorge and be super swollen and painful. Yet everyone wants to pressure you into always acting chipper and happy.
No, the baby in my arms will be awesome. Going through the actual pregnancy is not very fun. The hormone rollercoaster is not a fun ride either.
No one knows how being pregnant will be for them as an experience. Many mothers also report their pregnancies being different. Where with their first child they weren’t slowed down that much yet with their second child they can’t keep any food down.
Pregnancy isn’t an easy thing to go through. Then there is also the issue of my body contorting and looking different. Often moms feel fat or unattractive. The mental consequences can become more extreme if they have a partner that doesn’t make them feel cherished and attractive.
All of these physical and mental changes happen during this path to motherhood.
2) Pregnancy IS Personal
One of the weak points of humanity is we often feel the need to try to project our experience of something onto another person. If you are a person who has never experienced and panic attack, you might not understand a person who suffers from panic attacks. Then even if you do have a panic attack there is no guarantee that your perception of things would be applicable to this or that specific person.
Women are as much the same as they are different. One woman will go through pregnancy and feels how she feels, another may feel the exact opposite.
Our bodies are different. What we experience is unique for the time we go through it. Our mental burdens are different.
Some women have a good process and experience of pregnancy and some need advanced health monitoring.
Some women have that pregnant glow and look energetic and vibrant. I mostly slither around and alternate between trying to work and trying to fight off needing a nap. Pregnancy makes me sleepy now though all the first trimester symptoms are gone.
It is neat to me that my body is able to do this and I will have a new little addition to my family, I just don’t feel like my normal self. I feel fat and the stretch marks already starting aren’t helping.
Though this leads into how there is so much pressure for women to look this or that way it feels like you can’t even be human. Though that is another topic entirely.
3) Baby is Still The Goal
Just because you feel bothered or stressed by the pregnancy doesn’t mean you don’t or won’t love your baby. I will not miss pregnancy. Fatigue, bran fog, sleepy, weight gain, etc. The symptoms are all things I will not miss.
The reward for going through this torture will be the pretty baby at the end. A new person to nurture and love, to teach and to hold.
Many mothers also choose to go through pregnancy again another 3 or 4 times. Some enjoy pregnancy and some others enjoy the end result more.
I do usually have a policy where I don’t like to complain. The thing is those are for problems where I can identify solutions. Why complain when I can just fix it? In the case of pregnancy, it is just something you have to get through in most cases.
It is okay not to enjoy it if you ask me.
It would be nice if my baby was just something I could 2 day Prime with Amazon and pickup at my doorstep, but the world just isn’t that easy.
Though it is good to remain grateful for being given the opportunity that some women are denied due to their circumstances.